Weekdays...

Today is Monday. Monday has a combination of meanings to me. In one light, Monday is beginning of another hard week of school work. But in a more positive light, Monday is beacon of light and new hope. "Say what?!" you might say. In medical school, weekends have become often a time of loneliness. Everyone tends to make plans with their significant others. Weekends sometimes are an abyss of aloneness and uncertainty. Whereas, the week brings opportunity to start a fresh and see people. I prefer weekdays over weekends right now. Hands down. Maybe when I start working, this opinion will change, but for now, I prefer my Mondays even if they are a little Manic. : )

Interworkings...

People are complex...plain and simple. I was thinking today about how little I truely know about other people even my closest friends. We all have secrets and quirks. I am guilty of hiding some of my habits and quirks from others as well. Okay, I will spill one of mine, but keep this on DL. Every morning since freshman year of college (when no one else is home), I turn on the TV show Charmed and watch anywhere from 10 minutes to a whole episode. It motivates me to get out of bed. The show is really not that great and the acting is actually quite terrible. I have seen every episode though multiple times and can tell you what is going to happen in that episode within a minute of turning on the show. I don't think I even really like the show anymore, but I like the idea of having something to get up to. Next year, when I start working long hours, I will be unable to turn on TNT at 7 or 8 AM to watch Charmed....hopefully, I will find a descent replacement for this silly little ritual.

Okay, back to the whole friends topic. The interworkings of my friendships is quite complex. Friends are influenced by so many different factors...their past, family, other friends, lovers, and certain situations. Any combination of these things are a part of any one individual. One thing, I have been guilty on occasion to assume that my friends are mad at me when they are acting weird. I overanalyze our interaction and assume their mood is because it is something that I have done. When in actuality it can be any combination of the above influences. If there is anything that I have learned this year is the fact that the world doesn't revolve around "little ole' me!" Most often, my friends are not acting weird because of me directly but because something else is going on in their life. To all of my friends that read this column (I hope no one actually reads this), please tell me directly when I am hurting your feelings. I will be more than happy to try to correct the situation. I am not a perfect person and realize this.

Stuck in a Moment...

One of my all time favorite songs is the acoustic version of U2's Stuck in a Moment. As I was listening to the song today, I thought that I too may be stuck in a moment. I too may be stuck saying "Later will be better" instead of acting now. It is my time to act now... pursue my dreams and get out of my rutt. The question is what are my dreams now? My dreams are not what they once were, but I need to realize that this is OKAY. Things change and I need to adapt. This doesn't mean I need to stop dreaming all together...which is what I have done. So let us list some of my dreams in no particular order.

1) To visit every continent
2) To learn how to scuba dive
3) To run the Boston marathon someday
4) To score above a 230 on the step
5) To ski a black route
6) To learn more about the stars (astronomy is cool)
7) To read a fun book a month
8) To be in shape the rest of my life
9) To have enough money saved to own a house by the time I am 35
10) To go to the tallest building of every city I visit
11) To take another art history class or volunteer at the local museum
12) To not feel guilty about my time spent away from school
13) To conquer my greatest fears
14) Learn to say NO with power
15) To stop overanalyzing situations
16) To not plan every moment of my life but plan the important ones...

Beginnings....

I am creating this blog to release... not necessarily for other people to read. My goal is to leave people out of it and to really delve into things that I dwell on. In the last year I have become someone that I am not proud of. I want to be happy to be me again. I hope that I can regain my stridor to my step and head tilt. I am rapidly approaching the end of my second year of medical school. I sometimes wonder whether medical school was the right choice for me. But being almost halfway done, I really can not turn back now. I have already put in too much to turn back. I have worked too hard.



Medical school has been a hard reality for me. I am blessed to have the opportunity to become a doctor, yet I am often dissatisfied with my current place in life. Yet... So many people wish that they were in my place....23 and in medical school...not bad. The thing is I feel like medical school has crushed my dreams and sense of adventure. It is tying me down and I feel like I can't move. I am stuck. My parents do not relate to this and have indicated to me that I am acting beneath my age. I know I am....I feel like I have emotionally regressed in medical school. I use to be this strong kick ass person and now I cry all of the time and can't figure out what I want in life.

A person is often defined by their reactions to life's hardships. I have not been reacting well. I want to change my life and be the change that I need to be...but I often find that I am unable to change when I am so focused on trying to get the things I need to get done at the present time. Blog, this is my beginning....my opportunity to turn things around....other people don't define my life...I define my life....let's rock this thing