Simplicity

I remember when I was seven that my life was fairly simple. I was awoken by my mom at 7. Cereal was next on my list of things to do. I would eat and then my mom would do my hair and I would wear the clothes that were set out for me. My mom then proceeded to drive us 8 blocks to the elementary school. I would sit at school trying to be the perfect student where my biggest worry was, " Am I going to be the best? Will I make a 100 on this reading quiz?" I would then spend what seemed like forever on the playground on the bars. Yup...life was simple..but I still had my concerns. I couldn't wait to grow up. I couldn't wait until I was at the next step....I didn't appreciate what I had then. But how could I, what was there to compare it to?

My life now isn't too much more complex...but the world around me has gotten more complex or I have just come to see the world for what it is. The only thing I have to do right now is study, but I seem to be finding ways out of this very simple task. The step is in 3 weeks from today. Wish me luck!

Singing loudly

I have a terrible voice. This I know. However, when no one is around, I enjoy singing loudly esp. in the car. I think it is something almost everyone does. It is a feeling of freedom to sing at the top of your lungs. It is the same feeling I have when I am standing atop a hard rock climbing problem looking down at my accomplishment or when rock something like no other. I want to be able to take this feeling of utter confidence and translate it to other portions of my life. I want to be able to sing at the top of my lungs with others around. This is what I desire.

Disappointment

Today I feel disappointed. I am not disappointed in someone....I am disappointed in myself. I could have done a lot better these past couple of weeks and I am disappointed in my performance. Thank god second year is almost over!

Headwind

Have you ever been on a run where you are jogging in place and you aren't going anywhere? (and I am not talking about the treadmill...which is in my opinion one of the most boring places to run EVER!) No I am talking about a situation where the actual real life wind is against you. I have felt like this for the past two weeks. I am two weeks into my last round of exams for second year, with one more week, and I feel like I am not moving anywhere. I feel like the information that we have learned isn't sticking and that I have almost given up pushing against the wind. The wind is coming at me at hurricane speeds and each day passes even when I pray for more time.

So I feel a little helpless about the situation. However, wasn't it I that choose this path? Maybe next time I will choose one with fewer winds and less debris. I want it to be over so bad...but for what...more studying! I find myself not looking forward to life...life has so much to offer. I need to dig myself out of this hole and strike out on my own. I am looking forward to June 13th, the day I take the Step exam, like it's nobody's business, but I realize that I can not let this school take over my life. One of my friends asked me yesterday what a typical study day is like and after describing to her a study day I realized how sad, lonely and pathetic they sound. Day after day...the same...I promised myself too that I would make time for me. I am disappointed in myself though at the same time. I am disappointed in my inability to work harder...in my lack of commitment to my studies. I am scared that this will turn into another MCAT like experience. The MCAT was one of my most diappointing moments of my college career. I blame myself for my failures on the MCAT and my lack of commitment to studying for it. I want to make sure that this doesn't turn into another MCAT. Please God do not let it turn into another MCAT.