Headwind

Have you ever been on a run where you are jogging in place and you aren't going anywhere? (and I am not talking about the treadmill...which is in my opinion one of the most boring places to run EVER!) No I am talking about a situation where the actual real life wind is against you. I have felt like this for the past two weeks. I am two weeks into my last round of exams for second year, with one more week, and I feel like I am not moving anywhere. I feel like the information that we have learned isn't sticking and that I have almost given up pushing against the wind. The wind is coming at me at hurricane speeds and each day passes even when I pray for more time.

So I feel a little helpless about the situation. However, wasn't it I that choose this path? Maybe next time I will choose one with fewer winds and less debris. I want it to be over so bad...but for what...more studying! I find myself not looking forward to life...life has so much to offer. I need to dig myself out of this hole and strike out on my own. I am looking forward to June 13th, the day I take the Step exam, like it's nobody's business, but I realize that I can not let this school take over my life. One of my friends asked me yesterday what a typical study day is like and after describing to her a study day I realized how sad, lonely and pathetic they sound. Day after day...the same...I promised myself too that I would make time for me. I am disappointed in myself though at the same time. I am disappointed in my inability to work harder...in my lack of commitment to my studies. I am scared that this will turn into another MCAT like experience. The MCAT was one of my most diappointing moments of my college career. I blame myself for my failures on the MCAT and my lack of commitment to studying for it. I want to make sure that this doesn't turn into another MCAT. Please God do not let it turn into another MCAT.